The Final Count

I trusted myself from the very start –
if you have nothing, it’s not that hard 
for a man. Definitely not more,
than for an animal that falls.
Even if I was afraid, I stood my ground –
I was born, I mixed with others and I got out.
I paid for it all, however each weighed it,
If someone gave it for free, that was appreciated.
Woman, if she played with me deceiving:
I trusted really – let her enjoy it!
I cleaned boats, worked till I was numb.
Among clever lords I played the dumb.
I was selling souvenirs, bread, books,
newspapers, poems – whatever I could.
Not in a brave war, not on a tame rope,
but in bed I will finish, sometimes I hope.
However it will be, here is the final count.
I had a life – and from that others have also died.
Attila József, November-December 1936
KÉSZ A LELTÁR
Magamban bíztam eleitől fogva –
ha semmije sincs, nem is kerül sokba
ez az embernek. Semmiképp se többe,
mint az állatnak, mely elhull örökre.
Ha féltem is, a helyemet megálltam –
születtem, elvegyültem és kiváltam.
Meg is fizettem, kinek ahogy mérte,
ki ingyen adott, azt szerettem érte.
Asszony ha játszott velem hitegetve:
hittem igazán – hadd teljen a kedve!
Sikáltam hajót, rántottam az ampát.
Okos urak közt játszottam a bambát.
Árultam forgót, kenyeret és könyvet,
ujságot, verset – mikor mi volt könnyebb.
Nem dicső harcban, nem szelíd kötélen,
de ágyban végzem, néha ezt remélem.
Akárhogyan lesz, immár kész a leltár.
Éltem – és ebbe más is belehalt már.
József Attila, 1936. november-december

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